


You've been walking with me all this time

by stayalivelou



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post Season 2, Wishful Thinking, post s2e16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:28:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayalivelou/pseuds/stayalivelou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Clarke returns to Camp Jaha? Can things go back to the way they were?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've been walking with me all this time

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first The 100 fanfiction, and I just needed to get this out in order to move on from the season finale. I have no idea how they will be able to move on from what happens, and I just needed to write this to convince myself that they'll work it out somehow. I ignored dealing with the whole Octavia/Lincoln situation, mostly because I didn't know what to do with it.
> 
> Title from All This Time by Britt Nicole, which I found at this amazing Bellarke playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/lfcwonderwoman/playlist/26RXpw9IySq3YFWLDiEkA7
> 
> Thanks to M for being my beta. She hasn't seen the show, so any mistakes regarding the plot are all mine. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like it. Please let me know what you think.

Two months has passed when Clarke returns to Camp Jaha. Two months without seeing her friends or her mom. Without seeing Bellamy. She hadn’t really considered how long she’d be gone, but she was sort of surprised that she managed to stay away for so long. Part of her had wanted to go back after only one week, but she couldn’t make herself turn around. She wasn’t ready to face it all so soon, even though she missed them. Missed her family. 

 

When she left she didn’t have a plan or a destination, so she just walked wherever her feet took her, just exploring the Earth. Occasionally she ran into Grounders, and though some of them greeted her with friendly faces, and one family even let her share their meal one night, most of them left her alone. Most of the time she was gone she spent without talking to anyone, alone with her thoughts. It was terrifying at first, but eventually it started to feel therapeutic. She knew she needed to come to terms with what she’d done since they had landed on the ground, and she needed to do it on her own. 

 

After four weeks of walking she made it to the ocean, with help of directions given to her from the grounders. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she first saw it, she just sank down on the ground and stared at it. She sat there for hours, not doing anything but looking at the waves and letting them calm her. For the first time in a really long time she felt completely at ease. She spends two days there, letting the ocean heal here, until one morning she wakes up and knows she’s ready to start making her way back home. 

 

Monty’s the first one to greet her when she returns, running towards her as soon as the gate opens, and she smiles as he hugs her close. As soon as he releases her and steps back, her mom’s there to pull her into a bone crushing embrace. They hug for so long that Clarke starts to fear her mom will never let her go now that’s she’s back, but eventually Abby pulls back to look at her daughter with tears in her eyes, tucking a loose strand of her blond hair behind her ear. 

”I’ve missed you so much,” Abby whispers and Clarke pulls her in for another hug. They still had a lot of tension between them that they’d need to work through, but in the end, Abby would always be her mother. 

”I’ve missed you too, mum.”

 

She’s surprised when the next person to hug her is Raven, and she thinks that maybe it wasn’t just her that needed the two months to heal. And if Raven and her can move on and put the past behind them, then maybe all of them could. She had a feeling it wouldn’t be quite so easy though. When she lets go of Raven and takes a step back she sees him, standing far away in the back, by the entrance to the Ark. He looks up just as her eyes fall on him and they stare at each other. The world disappears around her and she sees only him, her eyes running up and down his body, drinking him in. It’s been so long since she saw him last. All she wants is to run across the camp and throw herself in his arms, but she has a feeling he won’t take it so well this time. So all she does is look at him, until finally he gives her a small nod and turns around, walking away from her. A small part of her heart breaks, but she tells herself that she can’t expect more from him. That she has to give him time. After all, she left, and she’s been gone for a long time. She can’t expect everything to go back to normal immediately. She knows things will have changed. 

 

Still, it takes Clarke a lot of strength to hold herself together when she turns to look at Raven, who gives her a sad smile. 

”He’s not been the same since you left. None of us have really.” She says and Clarke feels the guilt spreading through her body but she pushes it away. She did what she had to do. ”Just give him time, he’ll come around.” Raven continues, and Clarke nods, looking towards the Ark where Bellamy disappeared. ’I sure hope so,’ she thinks. 

 

****

 

Almost a week and a half has passed since Clarke returned to Camp Jaha, and Bellamy still hasn’t talked to her. She’s barely seen him either, except during the Council meetings. He doesn’t ignore her though, not really, he just avoids looking at her, or talking directly to her, even when he answers something she said. And she lets him, because even though he doesn’t really acknowledge her presence, it still somehow feels as if he has her back. She knows she can’t push him, and deep down she’s just happy to be back where she can see him. Where she knows that he’s around, and safe. That’s all she needs for know.

 

Other than the situation with Bellamy, things at camp are good. For the first time since they landed, life is calm. They’re not fighting a war anymore and they can finally start building a life for themselves on the ground. They can move on from all the pain in the past, and focus on a future that doesn’t necessarily have to be filled with death and sorrow. The council meetings are no longer focused on war strategy, but on building and improving their new home. As Clarke walks around the camp she sees hope in people’s eyes, and it soothes her. Whatever she’s done to get them here, at least they made it. 

 

She’s sitting in the new dining hall one night, eating her dinner and looking across the room at Bellamy when Jasper sits down beside her. She hasn’t really talked to him either since she returned, but he hasn’t really avoided her the way Bellamy has. He’s talked to her, they just haven’t _talked._ She just smiles at him as he sits down, and waits for him to say something.

”Please don’t leave us again, Clarke.” He says, taking her hand in his and squeezing it slightly. ”We need you here. All of us.” He adds and she follows his gaze across the room back to Bellamy. 

”I’m so sorry, Jasper.” She says after a while and he squeezes her hand again.

”You did what you had to do. You saved our friends.” She sees nothing but honesty in his eyes and she wonders briefly what she did to deserve all this forgiveness. 

 

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Bellamy move and she watches him again as he leaves the dining hall, not once looking in her direction. 

”When you left, it was almost like he went back to old Bellamy,” Jasper says beside her and she turns back to him. ”Except, he’s still a good leader and makes good decisions and all that. But he shut all of us out, he barely even talks to Octavia anymore.” Clarke feels a pang in her chest at that. She has after all noticed the strange tension between the Blake siblings. She wishes she could fix it, but she doesn’t know how. 

”It’s like something in him broke, and he couldn’t repair it without you here. You’ve always been the one that mends everyone after all.”

 

Later that night as Clarke lays in her bed she can’t stop thinking of Jasper’s words. She knows he’s right, since they landed on Earth she’s been the one to put everything and everyone back together. She couldn’t have done it without Bellamy though, he was the one that made sure she stayed whole. And know she has to mend them, but she has no idea where to start. 

 

****

 

One night she wakes from a nightmare, sweating and shaking, but other than that she lies completely still. She used to wake screaming and thrashing, but since she returned to camp the nature of her nightmares has changed. Her dreams used to involve all of her friends being in danger, and her running all over the place trying to save them all, but not getting to any of them in time. Most of the time that dream then turned into her closing the drop ship door, but somehow she can see through it and she has to watch Finn and Bellamy burn to death on the outside. Almost every day she woke to the image of Finn’s eyes, filled with betrayal. But since her return, she’s no longer running in her dreams. There’s no fire, and no imminent danger. And they only ever feature one person besides herself. Now, every night she stands frozen to the spot on the beach by the ocean, watching Bellamy stand in a boat and drift further and further away from her. She can’t move, though she doesn’t know why, she can only watch him as he disappears. It scares her more than any dream she’s ever had. 

 

Knowing she won’t be able to get back to sleep, she rises from her bed and slips out of the tent. She doesn’t know where she’s going, but the crisp night air calms her. Eventually she finds herself standing outside of Bellamy’s tent and she’s not surprised. After all, where else would she go? There’s no one else she can turn to for comfort, no one else who always understands her, without her even saying a word. Even though she knows it might be a big mistake, she can’t stop herself from pushing the flap aside and entering his tent. She barely makes any noise, but of course he wakes up anyway, looking up at her, sleepy and confused. 

”Princess?” He mumbles and she nearly bursts into tears. It’s been so long since she heard him say that. She doesn’t say anything at first, because she doesn’t know what to say, she just looks at him, and he looks back at her, meeting her eyes for the first time in such a long time.

”I don’t know why I’m here.” She finally whispers, almost expecting him to throw her out. Instead he simply lifts up the blanket wrapped around him and motions for her to lay down beside him. Slowly she does, as if he’s an injured animal she’s trying not to spook, and he lays an arm around her waist, pulling her towards him so that her back’s pressed up against his chest. He doesn’t say anything, and neither does she, they just go back to sleep, Clarke feeling safe and at home in his arms. 

 

The next morning when she wakes up she’s alone, though she hadn’t expected anything else. She gets out of bed and carefully looks out before deciding that the coast is clear for her to sneak out. She quickly makes her way back to her own tent, glad that both her and Bellamy had gotten into the habit of waking early, so that the camp is mostly empty. After having changed her clothes she walks to medical, ready to start her day.

 

That night she finds it hard to fall asleep. She tosses and turns in her bed before finally giving up and quietly making her way across the camp. This time he’s awake when she enters his tent, but he doesn’t say anything, just lifts up the blanket so that she can crawl down next to him. As soon as she feels his arm around her Clarke starts to relax, and she can feel herself drifting of to sleep immediately. And simple as that, they’ve started a new routine. Every night after everyone has gone to bed Clarke sneaks into Bellamy’s tent, and he wordlessly lets her into his bed. They still don’t speak, not during the day nor the night, they just sleep together. Clarke feels slightly guilty that her tent’s not being used, it’s not like they have endless space, but what can she do? It’s not like she can just ask Bellamy to let her move in officially. It’s not ideal, but it will have to work for now.

 

****

 

Two weeks have passed since Clarke started sleeping in Bellamy’s bed and she’s on her way to medical when she hears Monty and Jasper talking quietly around the corner from her. Something about the tone of their conversation makes her stop and listen, even though she knows it’s wrong. She quickly realizes they’re talking about her and Bellamy.

”Do you think they’ll ever work it out?” Monty asks Jasper and her heart aches when she hears the worry in his voice. Jasper doesn’t say anything at first, but she can almost picture him shrugging.

”They have to,” he says eventually, sounding just as defeated as Monty. ”It’s Clarke and Bellamy. They can’t not work it out. We need them.” As she hears Jasper’s word it’s as if something breaks inside Clarke. She’s waited so long for things to change but now she just feels like she can’t do it anymore. She turns around and walks over to Bellamy’s tent. It’s empty when she enters and she sits down on his bed to wait for him. It takes a couple of hours for him to show, and she knows she should be doing something useful but she just can’t go on until she’s talked to him. 

 

Finally he enters the tent, and even though she’s never been there this early, he doesn’t seem overly surprised to see her there. He just takes of his jacket while looking at her and waiting for her to speak. 

”I can’t do this anymore, Bellamy,” she whispers as he leans against the table in front of her. ”I need you to talk to me again.”

”What do you want me to say?” he asks just as quietly, his eyes not leaving hers, and it feels so good to look at him for real.

”Anything.” Her voice nearly breaks and she feels her throat closing up. ”I just need to feel that you’re by my side.” Something changes in his eyes at her words, and it gives her hope.

”I’ll always be by your side, Princess.” he says softly. ”There’s nothing you can do that would change that.” Tears start to form in her eyes with relief. She hadn’t realized just how hard she was struggling to hold herself together and she takes a shaky breath as she looks down at her hands.

”But, Clarke,” Bellamy begins and she looks up at him again. ”You left. You left _me_.” Now it’s his voice that breaks and she can’t stand to hear him sound so pained. 

”You said once that you need me, and that you can’t lose me too, but did you ever stop to think that I need you to? Because I do. I can’t do this without you.” There’s a desperation in his eyes now, and she hates herself for being the one to cause him all this pain. ”I know you did what you had to do, and that I had to let you go, but when you left? It broke my heart, Princess.” She can’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks now. ”The only thing that kept me going was shutting down, locking away my heart and not letting myself feel anything. Otherwise I would have broken down, Princess, and I couldn’t do that to you. I knew you needed me to hold it together, and to take care of everyone for you. And now I’m afraid to open my heart, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to lock it away again.” 

 

When Bellamy finishes there are tears falling from his eyes as well. She’s never seen him like this, and she doubts that anyone has. It hurts her so much to know that she’s the one that did this, that it was her who broke them, and she knows that she’s the only one that can fix it. She stands up slowly and takes his hands in hers, so relieved that he lets her. 

”Bellamy,” She whispers, looking straight into his eyes and letting all her emotions shine through. ”Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” his eyes widen at her words, he knows better than anyone just what they mean. ”I’m not doing it again.” She can see the light returning in his eyes, and slowly he starts to look like her Bellamy again. She squeezes his hands and gives him a small smile.

”I love you, Bellamy.” He doesn’t say anything, just searches her eyes for something she desperately hopes he will find. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she can’t give him the reassurance that he needs, if she can’t convince that she won’t leave and that she’ll do anything it takes to get them back to where they were. 

 

After what feels like forever he smiles at her and tugs on her hands so that she takes a step closer to him. He takes her face in his hands, softly stroking her cheek. She doesn’t dare move, terrified that she’ll ruin it. She closes her eyes and sighs softly when he leans forward and presses his lips to hers. She expects it to be just as soft as his touch but he kisses her desperately and passionately. His hands comes down to grab her hips and she reaches up to tangle hers in his hair, pulling him down towards her. He nibbles on her bottom lip and she sighs again, letting him sneak his tongue in. He carefully lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his waist as he carries her towards the bed. He lays them both down on it and first then does he pull away so that they can catch their breaths. His eyes are both darker and brighter than she’s ever seen them, and so filled with love and trust that it makes her gasp.

”I love you too, Princess.” He says and she breaks out into a smile that he matches, leaning down to kiss her again. 

 

Later that night they lie in bed, wrapped up closer together than they’ve ever been. Now that they finally have each other back, they can’t seem to let go. Bellamy are pressing soft kisses to Clarke’s fingers, and she feels more at peace and at home than she’s ever felt before.

”What are you thinking, Princess?” Bellamy looks up at her, running his hands through her hair and she leans into his touch.

”Will you promise me something?” She whispers and he nods.

”Anything.”

”Promise me you’ll never go crazy if something were to happen to me.” His expression goes serious as the words leave her mouth, knowing she’s thinking of Finn. 

”Of course,” He holds her closer to him and kisses her deeply. ”I could never do that to you.”

 

****

 

A few days later she stands in the middle of camp, watching the people around her. Across the camp she sees Bellamy hugging Octavia, and she smiles, thinking that maybe things will actually go back to the way they were. As if he can hear her thoughts Bellamy looks up and meets her eyes, smiling back at her, and she just knows that everything will work out. After all, they’re Clarke and Bellamy. They always figure things out.

 


End file.
